When your friend comes to you with a problem, do you listen and empathize? Or are you ready to tell them how to solve the problem before they can share? Sometimes we just want to share our story with our friends, just to hear what is sounds like out loud. We aren’t always looking to you to tell us how to live our lives but want to the human connection that comes from being heard. We want to know that we are in this life by ourselves but have friends that we can rely on when we want a sympathetic ear.

Too often, friends offering unsolicited advice are heard as criticizing our actions or behaviors. Anytime we start a sentence with the words “you should”, we are criticizing or making a judgment We are in essence telling someone who came to us in trust that we do not believe they can make their own decisions. When we should all over our friends, are we really giving them what they need or making ourselves feel better?

When you feel yourself about to say ‘You should”, take a breath and ask your friend what they want to hear from you – advice or compassion.